you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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