We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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