you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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