Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize