I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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