I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
