my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He passed out mid-signature
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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