It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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