I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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