i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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