Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize