I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
