im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
