Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
