I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
