There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize