my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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