Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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