If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
