Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize