ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
