How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
