Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize