Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
