I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
