I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
