I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How does one acquire holy water?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
