I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
