once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
