she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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