Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
