I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everyone says I win the strip club
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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