I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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