I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize