just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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