Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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