It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
