Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
