I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
