I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
