I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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