It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
