My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
