just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
