So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
