I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just made my gag reflex go away.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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