I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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