THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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