I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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