You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
