Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
