Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Please don't give away my fajitas
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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