Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
