i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
