i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
