My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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