Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
