I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.