if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.