i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The cops high fived after they tackled you