those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver