its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can I color on your dick again?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?