we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?