i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
