Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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