Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
